There is nothing I can look at for very long, except the sea.

How Captain America'€™s Chris Evans Finally Got Tired of Being Famous







This is, like, the saddest timeline I’ve ever read. Really interesting, but man, I feel bad for him.

Aw. I just want to give him a hug. :(

I really admire people who can be this transparent.

I just want to find him a thunder blanket and some cocoa. Poor sweetie.

I have  a feeling Chris Pine isn’t far behind…

February 2010

After the long casting search for an actor to play the title role in Captain America comes to naught (actors like John Krasinski, Ryan Phillippe, and Sebastian Stan were among the contenders), Marvel executives consider Chris Evans. They’d previously dismissed the actor since he’d already starred as a superhero in two Fantastic Four movies, but they approach him anyway … and he turns down the role. The initial sticking point is Marvel’s demand that any actor who films a test audition for the company must sign a contract committing to nine films. “In a few years, what if I don’t want to act anymore?” Evans recalled of that stipulation. “What if I just want to — I don’t know — do something else?” He later told Variety that he worried “if these movies take off and do very well, and my life changes and I don’t respond well, I don’t have the opportunity to say, listen, I need a fucking break. That just scared me.”

March 2010

Marvel execs amend their approach, offering Evans a six-film contract instead. They also deputize team player Robert Downey Jr. to woo Evans into the fold. “I remember getting on the phone with him and strongly suggesting that he not shrink away from the offer,” Downey revealed. “I said, ‘Look man, you might not like the fact that you’ve played one of these guys before, but you know, the thing is this can afford you all sorts of other freedoms.’” Finally, Evans accepts the role … and promptly enters “panic mode,” enrolling in therapy.

May 2012

The Avengers is released. It is huge. Evans seems more morose than ever. "I’ve made about 20 movies," he says, "and I’m probably proud of three."

March 4, 2014

Evans begins to hint at a hiatus from performing. ‘“I think when I’m done with this Marvel contract, I’ll take a little break from acting,” he says.

March 25, 2014

Suddenly, that little break has turned into permanent retirement. “If I’m acting at all, it’s going to be under Marvel contract, or I’m going to be directing,” Evans says. “I can’t see myself pursuing acting strictly outside of what I’m contractually obligated to do.” How long will he remain under contract? “[Avengers: Age of Ultron] will shoot till August. I wouldn’t be surprised if for all of 2015, we didn’t do a movie. I bet by 2017, I’ll be done,” he tells Variety, before grunting, “That sounds so far away.”

…Poor guy! D:

(via nooby-banana)


Man. I’ve been such a downer lately. Sorry everyone.  Staying positive is the hardest thing in the entire world when buried under a mountain of hardship.

I saw a hummingbird today. It zipped right in front of me and hovered there for a second and then flitted off. They are my favorite bird. I feel like my anxiety vibrates at frequency akin to a hummingbird’s heart, so I feel connected to them, like it’s a visual for how I operate on a daily basis.

Every time I see one it’s like the universe is saying hello.

Stupid health care

Does anyone have California Health care using “covered California”? Does anyone know or recommend a plan that will allow me to continue to see my therapist?

This is a really bad time for me to be without counseling.

Fucking government. Making health care a tax issue. I have so much hate for the world right now. Companies are too fucking cheap to hire full time employees anymore, so I get stuck with underemployment and now I have to buy my own health care, or I get a huge tax penalty. So now, i get to line the pockets of greedy health care companies, giving them my hard earned pittance of pay instead of, oh, I don’t know, ever getting out of financial insecurity. I’m so angry I don’t know weather to cry or yell.

Thanks for nothing America. Land of opportunity no more. Seems like only thing going for the country is my freedom to write stuff like this. You can’t actually expect to live in this country unless you are rich.


This was an art project for school, the assignment being to do a piece on some social injustice. As a person who has been, is, and likely will be depressed in the future, I feel a strong shame when the topic of depression is brought up in a social setting, as if my struggle is some kind of a disease. The way depression is talked about is, for some reason, separate from the way physical injuries are discussed. My pain and injury is no less than that of someone with physical evidence that there is something wrong, which is absolute bullcrap. 

Anyway, I hope you like the comic. /end of rant. 

(via norrihiddlesrdjfandral)


God help me get through tomorrow.

calm before

I haven’t seen Kay yet. She came back sometime after I left for my appointment but was gone again before I went to work. I guess I’ll see what happens in a little while.

I’m not as distraught as I was before. I realized that not only had I not left the apartment yesterday, I forgot to eat dinner, so I was already not at my emotional best and her silence combined with her absence definitely caused my paranoia to skyrocket.  I’m calmer about it now.  I’m going to ride it out and see how it plays out. I was thinking about if I could get a higher paying part time job, I could still do the freelance and maaaaybe swing paying for her half of the rent myself, if my mother will agree to pay for my groceries every once in a while. 

I did my taxes today and I’m getting a very small refund, but I decided to put it into an “emergency move out” fund. I also decided to only buy coffee on tuesdays and put the rest of that money towards the fund. I need to be ready if she pulls the plug.

Let’s hope she comes home tonight so we can talk. I guess I’ll test the waters with “Hi” and “how are you?” That’s all I can do at this point. :\


Well. It’s 1:30 in the morning and Kay’s not back yet, which makes me think she’s staying in east bay tonight because the last BART is at midnight. Or who knows?

Should I text her? What if something’s happened to her? What if she stays away the whole weekend?

There’s a huge pile of clothes on her bed, does that mean she’d been packing? Her toothbrush is still there.

So much for talking to her tonight. I should be enjoying the apartment all to myself. Instead I can’t stop worrying that she’s staying away to avoid me.

I guess I won’t text her. If she’s staying over Van’s then I’ll be waking her up. If she’s in the city then she could be out still. But I want to text her because I’m anxious. Maybe I’ll just ask her if she’s coming home tonight? If it wakes her up serves her right for not saying something.

More crying

I had thought to talk to my roommate about what’s going on, but I didn’t see her all of yesterday and I just found out that she’s at out with our former roommate at a concert. I only know this because our former roommate posted about it on facebook. 

Which means who knows when she’ll be back. 

I made the mistake of calling my mother.  I cried on the phone to her as I told her what she was going on. I told her I was worried that she was going to try to move out and then I’d be screwed. We’d all have to move.  A studio in the city goes for $2000 now.   

She said, “Well, you have to talk to her” and “You can move back home” and “I don’t know what you want me to do” and “You’re making yourself upset” and “I wouldn’t have let it get this bad.”

She never listens to me. She never understands what I’m saying. I just told her how I can’t talk to someone who isn’t there. I told her I’d been trying to coax her out for the past few weeks. And then she blames me. It’s obviously my fault that Kay isn’t talking to me. 

Thanks for all the sympathy mom. I even called her out on it. I said, “you don’t have any sympathy for me do you?” and I don’t even know what she thought I said because her answer was “Well, what do you want me to do?”

I wanted some sympathy, that’s really all I wanted. I wanted to go to my mother and have her comfort me and instead I got your feelings aren’t valid and it’s your fault anyway.  I wanted you to know that I was having a hard time because I thought you’d want to know that someone who you supposedly love is hurting emotionally.  

I don’t fucking have anyone. I don’t have anyone who loves me. I am so sad and lonely.  I’m so sick of struggling. 


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