The Sea Jar

I am sitting at a cafe having a sit down breakfast before my long work shift. I decided to treat myself. I’m in the middle of a hellish work week, covering extra shifts, dealing with this production project which is a month overdue.

I’ve also agreed to take on an animation role, which, *yay*, but the animation director (who i shall call “the law”) has already been difficult.

I’m also doing a huge fan project and trying to learn flash for the summer internship…

I may have taken on too much…

But being busy helps. It’s distractions that get me through the hollow moments of my life. Who has time to worry about not having friends when I’ve got dozens of drawings to do? How can I worry about being a spinster when I have three jobs?

Anyway. I feel a tad guilty for having such an expensive breakfast. I’m justifying it by remembering I’m working two extra days this week. It’s delicious though.

My new roommate arrives tomorrow.

We just found out today that the management company is raising the rent for the first time ever.

I’m not sure what to tell her. I mean, the fair thing is to split the increase three ways. But I’m afraid she’s going to think we lied to her about the price and will refuse to pay it.

Why couldn’t they have let us know the rent was going up last week? We’re rent controlled so I’m shocked that the rent increased when it hasn’t at all in five years.

I’m not sure how to broach the subject. I’m so afraid she’ll be angry and want to move right away or that she’ll refuse to pay the $50 extra.

:/ I hate money. If I made bank then I’d just say I’ll pay her portion. But I can barely afford to eat, let alone pay another $100 to the landlord.

Not sure what to do.

I should keep this to myself but I am bursting to tell someone: they offered me the art internship!

I CANNOT BELIEVE IT.

When I get off work I have to go home and sign all the paperwork and then it will be official.

:)

Oh my god you guys… I just got a call from the place I interviewed at and they’re fact checking me.

I might be… close to getting this thing?  They wouldn’t be fact checking if they didn’t like me for the job… right?

Been applying to jobs and keep getting nothing except rejection notices, but I think the crowning moment of awful this week was sitting down at my part time job for my yearly review.

I will preface this by saying I have worked for this company for five years, have had two “yearly” reviews (including the one this week) and one raise in all that time.

My review was glowing. I couldn’t have gotten a better review, aced every aspect of my job, went above and beyond my duties. And then my manger told me that I would not be getting a raise.

I’ve only missed one day of work in five years, except for one month I took off when my father died and I had to go home to help my mother.

After years of exemplary service and being a model employee I am rewarded the same as the employee who does less than is required. That is to say my hard work got me nothing.

It’s a great big fuck you from the universe to me. Everything has slowly gone downhill since my dad died and my optimism is truly gone now. Bad things happen. Life doesn’t always workout.

I’m so angry and upset because I work for a very successful and fairy large international company that I know could afford to give me a small raise.  But they refuse because I am a retail employee, not someone of any importance or value. Who cares about rewarding a peon?

I have cried so much because I feel helpless and worthless. I’m trying to get a new job and I can’t even make it to an interview phase. I don’t have any value. What can i do?

I can’t even pay my bills forget about my student loans. I don’t want money to drink or shop or fritter away on privileged extras. I just want to pay my rent and my loans and maybe have some money left over for something other than ramen noodles. I’ve cut back as far as I can.

I can’t quit this shitty company until I get a new job and it seems like i’ll never get a chance. I’ve spent hours everyday online searching through job boards for work that I might be suited to. It’s depressing and demoralizing.

So I have had no heart to draw or write anything. I want to, but I am simply unable to bring myself to do it.

Well. My interview is over. I think it went ok. It was over really quickly. I forgot to ask for business cards or what the next step is, but the creative director said we’d be in touch. I’m going to email them all with a thank you for interviewing me note.

They all wanted to keep my portfolio and one said it was very impressive. So I liked that.

Now we wait and see.

T-minus 99 minutes before my interview. I’m on the bus to catch a train to catch another bus to walk to my doom. I mean, interview.

I’m getting nervous. I’m worried what they’re going to expect of me. What if they don’t like me? What if I can’t do the job? What if they test me? Draw this. Use flash. Why is a raven like a writing desk?

I have my on site interview tomorrow. I am more worried about getting lost or being unable to find the entrance than I am about the interview itself.

Priorities, I have none. Actually I think it’s right on par with my GAD to worry about not being able to get into the place rather than the interview itself because normal people would not be worried about going through the right door. They wouldn’t think to worry about that.

But I do. And then of course the interview and how it will go.

I just want this day to be over. So much to worry about.

Wish me luck. This would be a huge boost for me and my career, if I got this internship.