Been applying to jobs and keep getting nothing except rejection notices, but I think the crowning moment of awful this week was sitting down at my part time job for my yearly review.
I will preface this by saying I have worked for this company for five years, have had two “yearly” reviews (including the one this week) and one raise in all that time.
My review was glowing. I couldn’t have gotten a better review, aced every aspect of my job, went above and beyond my duties. And then my manger told me that I would not be getting a raise.
I’ve only missed one day of work in five years, except for one month I took off when my father died and I had to go home to help my mother.
After years of exemplary service and being a model employee I am rewarded the same as the employee who does less than is required. That is to say my hard work got me nothing.
It’s a great big fuck you from the universe to me. Everything has slowly gone downhill since my dad died and my optimism is truly gone now. Bad things happen. Life doesn’t always workout.
I’m so angry and upset because I work for a very successful and fairy large international company that I know could afford to give me a small raise. But they refuse because I am a retail employee, not someone of any importance or value. Who cares about rewarding a peon?
I have cried so much because I feel helpless and worthless. I’m trying to get a new job and I can’t even make it to an interview phase. I don’t have any value. What can i do?
I can’t even pay my bills forget about my student loans. I don’t want money to drink or shop or fritter away on privileged extras. I just want to pay my rent and my loans and maybe have some money left over for something other than ramen noodles. I’ve cut back as far as I can.
I can’t quit this shitty company until I get a new job and it seems like i’ll never get a chance. I’ve spent hours everyday online searching through job boards for work that I might be suited to. It’s depressing and demoralizing.
So I have had no heart to draw or write anything. I want to, but I am simply unable to bring myself to do it.