Another miserable day. I was brought to tears several times today and I’ve been so overwrought and generally angry, like anger that’s so deep I don’t even realize I’m seething mad until I snap.
Today I did something really nasty to someone and I don’t really know why other than she made me so mad I wanted to call her out on it. This girl lied about something and I just knew she was lying and people were praising her and I just saw red. I flat out said I was skeptical and I demanded that she prove her claims.
She basically told me off and said she didn’t have to prove herself, and she’s right. I shouldn’t have demanded proof. She does not have to prove anything to me.
But she IS flat out lying. I am 100% right. It’s painfully obvious to those who know about the thing she’s claiming to have done.
I mean, it would be like if she claimed she wrote Cinderella, like, an original story by her, completely made up from her imagination.
Normally, I would have had a flash of anger over her lie and then move on silently. But I fixated on it and couldn’t let it go.
I will not press the issue further although I want to tell her, “I may be rude but at least I’m not dishonest.” I really want to say that, but I know that is just awful, so I’m keeping my mouth shut.
What is wrong with me? Why am I so angry? My emotions have been trending down since Christmas. I’m really worried that I’m gonna get stuck here again.
I have found little joy in recent weeks, only single disconnected moments of happiness in a greater fog of gloom.